 |
| Early 1870s fashion |
Mid-Victorian Manners
In 1872 Etiquette
of Good Society was informing its readers that good manners were an essential
part of ‘a pleasant and agreeable member of society’. Learning, having a good
character or any manner of accomplishments were not sufficient. In 1903 the
mantra was unchanged and the book still proclaimed that;
‘A true lady will be quite
natural and easy in her manners, and this will have the effect of putting those
at their ease who are in her company, whatever their station in life.’[i]
Although we
must suppose that the lady would not be allowing her servants their ease until
their daily 10 or 12 hour toil was completed.
The
Etiquette informs us in the introduction that the manners of previous
generations did not measure up to the standards of today and foreigners too did
not make the grade. Were these codified manners the result of a need to put
lesser mortals in their place? The 1872 codex of formality was an addition to
the unwritten informalities of Georgian society. In Victorian times far more
people aspired to the gentilities of the rich and aristocratic.
By 1893
things were not much changed and the February edition of the Lady stated
‘It is a good thing for
everyone that there are rules by which Society…..is held together and enable to
work smoothly and easily.’[ii]
Fin de Siècle Uncertainty |
| Lady Colin Campbell |
Lady Colin Campbell[iii] became editor of the Etiquette of
Good Society and revised it in August 1880, some years before her 1886 lurid trial for
a divorce from her husband, Lord Colin Campbell a son of the Duke of Argyll. Lady Colin failed to
follow the need for discretion as both she and her husband were reputed to have
had several lovers[iv].
Nearly
100,000 copies of the guide to manners had been sold and it was not alone; a
rival publication, Manners for Men, was first published in 1897 and there was a
companion volume for women. The fast increasing middle class brought
uncertainty to its newer members and these guides were a way to negotiate the
shibboleths laid down by those who had always belonged.
The question
of who to know was almost as complex as who not to know; and naturally these dilemmas
found their way into fiction;
‘He did not know enough of
Tom’s people, while to have the acquaintance of the right people and of no one
else was part of his creed…….these people, of whom he knew nothing, might not
be the right people.’[v]
Meeting the Right People
 |
| 1880s fashion |
Even more
complex was the art of visiting; visits were to be paid on occasions requiring
congratulations, commiseration, courtesy calls and then general calls. And then
there was the vexed question of leaving cards and who left them and whose were
left and where they were left and how they were left. A card leaving was to be
returned within the week; a lady would sit outside in her carriage while her
footman left the appropriate number of cards.
Most upper
and middle class Victorian women were acutely conscious of the number of cards
left on the tray in the hall. A decrease in their number could be attributable
to rumour and a woman’s sexual virtue was an imperative. A woman like Lady
Colin Campbell would not have been received in the best society due to her sexual misdeeds[vi].
A follow on
from the art of leaving a card was the formal call, to last no more than 15
minutes. It was the precursor to a return call from a prospective acquaintance.
Only then could an invitation to visit be proffered. These obligations were of
course for ladies only;
‘Men, as a rule, do not pay
these visits of ceremony; and it would appear that they have always shirked
their duties in this respect.’[vii]
advises the
Etiquette of Good Society. Meeting the right people was essential for a mother
with daughters to marry off; easier if you were one of the Upper Ten Thousand as the aristocracy were called. And for a woman
almost any man was better than the prospect of being a spinster at the elderly
age of thirty.
Formal Etiquette
 |
| 1890s fashion |
The
etiquette manuals advised on matters great and small; a publication like the
Etiquette of Good Society advised not only on how to behave, but also how to
organise events like balls, marriages, christenings and funerals. The book,
with an eye to a monied audience, advises that weddings should preferably be
held in the country in the summer;
‘We advise them to decide,
if possible, upon summer as the season, and the country as the place. Winter
weddings and those in town are alike profoundly dispiriting.’[viii]
All the
celebratory events had their own rules as did having guests to breakfast,
lunch, dinner, and even supper,
‘Supper tables can be made
to look nice and tempting enough by the bestowal of a little care and ingenuity
upon them. The garnishing of dishes adds greatly to the general appearance of
the table.’[ix]
We are
informed that leftovers can be swiftly turned into hot savoury dishes for an
informal supper; the remaining pieces of chicken can be fricasseed while the
rabbit leftovers can be turned into a curry, oysters can be scalloped and an
omelette cooked. These dishes are to be followed by tarts and cakes and other
dainties.
The ordering
of balls, garden parties, field sports, excursions, picnics and even private
theatricals are detailed for those who were not brought up to manage such
affairs. New money meant that penniless aristocrats might marry American
railroad heiresses.  |
| Consuelo Vanderbilt |
And while a
girl like Consuelo Vanderbilt might have been schooled in
etiquette, ready for her marriage to an English aristocrat, even she might be
afraid of committing a faux-pas in highly critical aristocratic circles. But
many of the Dollar Princesses did not possess the social acumen required.
The
Etiquette of Good Society even has a chapter on attending court; a pleasure surely denied all but the most
august of its readers.
‘Any lady who proposes to be
presented must leave at the Lord Chamberlain’s office……two clear days previous
to that on which the Drawing Room is held, a card with her name written theron,
and one with the name of the lady by whom she is to be presented.’[x]
Everyday Etiquette
For the upwardly
mobile male desirous of avoiding social pitfalls there was Manners for Men,
which included advice on etiquette while driving;
‘A gentleman driving a mail phaeton in
the park with a lady by his side must, of course, acknowledge all salutes by
raising his hat, if he is sufficiently expert to admit of his doing so without
risk. It is not everyone who can emulate the Prince of Wales,
who, when driving a coach, can take a cigar from his lips and raise his hat
with the whip hand.’[xi]
.jpg) |
| Brougham |
The book’s
more laid back approach is in contrast to the formality of the Etiquette of
Good Society and includes expectations in regard to smoking;
‘It is now no uncommon thing
to see a man in evening dress smoking in a brougham
with a lady……This is going rather far, for a woman’s evening dress…..become as
much impregnated with the odour of tobacco as if she had herself been smoking.’[xii]
And Manners
for Men even has a chapter on using the omnibus, a method of transportation
resolutely ignored by Etiquette of Good Society.
The Important Matter of Dress
 |
| Mrs Hugh Hammersley 1892 |
Not only
what one did but also the way one dressed was a minefield;
‘There is no easier method
by which to detect the real lady from the sham one than by noticing her style
of dress. Vulgarity is readily distinguished……..by the breach of certain rules
of harmony and fitness.’[xiii]
The lady
desirous of producing a good impression would spend a lot of her time dressing
in the appropriate garb;
‘The costume for paying
calls when on foot differs from that which should be worn when driving in a
carriage……It may be light or dark, according to the season; but it must not be
gay………..Carriage dress has much more licence. Handsome costumes, made of rich
silken materials…..are suitable when driving.’[xiv]
As a finale
to its chapter on dress Manners for Men concludes;
‘”What all men should avoid is the ‘shabby
genteel.’ No man ever gets over it…..You had better be in rags.”’[xv]
_-_A_Portrait_of_John_Singer_Sargent.jpg/385px-Giovanni_Boldini_(1842-1931)_-_A_Portrait_of_John_Singer_Sargent.jpg) |
| John Singer Sargent |
The books
advise not only on what it is appropriate to wear at what venue (the Etiquette
of Good Society going so far as to advise its readers as to the wedding attire
of Richard Coeur de Lion)[xvi], but also what it should
be made of;
‘For
sea-side and country use, a complete suit of dark-blue serge or mixed tweed is
found the most suitable wear.’[xvii]
Desperate to
conform, how many people overspent their income enabling them to be seen as the
right sort?
Bibliography
Etiquette of
Good Society – Lady Colin Campbell (Ed), Cassell & Company Ltd 1903
The English
Illustrated Magazine, Macmillan & Co 1884
Love and
Marriage in the Great Country Houses – Adeline Hartcup, Sidgewick & Jackson
1984
Manners for
Men – Mrs Humphry, Webb & Bower (Publishers) Ltd 1979
Victorian
High Society – Stella Margetson, BT Batsford Ltd 1980
The Social
Calendar – Anna Sproule, Blandford Press 1978
www.wikipedia.en
[i]
Etiquette of Good Society - Campbell
[ii]
The Social Calendar - Sproule
[iii]
Born Gertrude Blood, Lady Colin was a writer; her husband was a brother-in-law
of the Duchess
of Argyll, one of Queen Victoria’s daughters
[iv]
Lord Colin contracted syphilis and passed it on to his wife
[v]
The Story of a Courtship – Weyman, from the English Illustrated Magazine
[vi]
This did not of course apply to men
[vii]
Etiquette of Good Society - Campbell
[viii]
Etiquette of Good Society - Campbell
[ix]
Ibid
[x]
Ibid
[xi]
Manners for Men – Mrs Humphry
[xii]
Ibid
[xiii]
Etiquette of Good Society - Campbell
[xiv]
Ibid
[xv]
Manners for Men – Mrs Humphry
[xvi]
Allegedly a rose coloured silk tunic with a silver cloak and a rose coloured
bonnet embroidered with gold
[xvii]
Etiquette of Good Society - Campbell
